Diary Entries

[14/4/2026] Last mssg here! Ill be moving to experiment w new stuff in HTML at my other web [https://ofium.neocities.org/], it should appear on my Diary's main page hopefullyyyy but.. yeah Im too hurt to continue this web.. I know how immature I am but I really cant help myself. So Im putting this book to the shelf and grabbing my next book, have a good reading session everyonee!! Lots of luvv from me and good nightt >_<

[14/4/2026] Im gonna die and be born again, on and on just like everybody else. I cherish each one of you who stayed, those who only linger and those who part, both for me and for the others. Im not out of reach but I will be floating elsewhere, wherever you are, whoever you may be, whoever you become, let it be the version that you'd like to be in for the rest of forever. Im the most selfish girl alive and I hate this version, Im gonna do everything to die and be born again, until Im satisfied. I hate this version, I dont deserve the blessing of pretty skies, the tiny faraway stars shine at its the brightest lately, maybe its trying to comfort those who notice. Goodnight~~ mwahhh

[14/4/2026] I had lots of fun here, but just like a book, even the greatest book of all time will reach its ending^^

[14/4/2026] ANYWAYYYYY MY FASHION SHOW EVENT IS APPROVED YIPPIEEEEEEEEE MY COSPLAY HAS ARRIVED TOO!! ITS SUPER EXCITINGGGGG I tried the cosplay and uuuuuuh its.. its okey for the price ;-;" Ill do my own independent fixing on it buuut for now best I can do is just.. Idk iron that shit probably.. ANW MY ROOM WAS RANKED 4 OUT OF 12 ROOMS DURING LAST PASSION PROJECT EXHIBITION ON SUNDAYY AND I MEET MY MOM AS U ALL KNOWWWW She said she felt bad for him and almost wants to give him a support by hug, thank god she didnt >-< Her hugs belong to mee and only meeee teheee Idk but if he want or need a hug js go to his mom or smth Idk I told him to reconcile back to his parents but since he doesnt want to.. well its none of my fuzzies anw^^

[14/4/2026] I cried so much to my mom last Sunday huuuu Im sorry undaa but I think Ill go back to my route 1.. I dont want to pursue anyone anymore Im sorryyyyyyy, I cant believe how much I am changed by that person, I dont like it. All that marriage-convincing bullshit is fuckin disgusting I cant believeeeee I ever agree to marry someone ewwwwwwwwwwwwww my past self is looking at me w disgusttt FORGIVE MYSELFFFFFFF, I wished I turned him down when he said to my friends after he confessed that he want to change me, and he succeeded. Anyway I havent had any time to properly clean up my web, so thats exactly what Im gonna do in the next couple of days..? Idk I still have some stuff to do so cleaning up this web is not my top priority ;) Teheeeeee~~

[10/4/2026] FUCKKKKKK STOMACH ACHEEEE

[10/4/2026] It feels lighter if I didnt put any expectation :0

[10/4/2026] XO ;)

[10/4/2026] Im doing my Eng notes then, just because Im having a quiz soon and it will be reaaaaaally heavy fme if I have to do it any later

[10/4/2026] I WANNA TAKE ECONNNNNNNN T^T PLZPLZPLZ I WANNA TAKE ECON Oh yeah I have my ESP after lunch TEHEEEEE either Im doing my Pancasila reflection or my Eng notes..

[10/4/2026] Since last night I only had the chance to fix my math IA, Im making notes for EngLL rn then >:3 WISH ME LUCKKKK

[10/4/2026] TODAY'S CHEM WAS EASIER WHAT Hey thats suspicious, thats weird ;-;

[10/4/2026] I almost fainted?? Apparently Im not strong enough to stand at a hot place for too long. I SWEAR I DRANK MY VITAMIN, I sleep good, I drink well and I rest early!! WHAT IS WRONG W MEEEE I mean I know I almost fainted because the Oxy to my brain is decreasing at that time, but Idk why it only happened to meeeeeeeeeee. Weak

[10/4/2026] Gud morninnn~~

[09/4/2026] ILL TEXT MORE STUFF TMRR BTW I TOOK LOTS OF PICCIESS

[09/4/2026] Dont be mean, Ofi. Eep. Goodnight my darlingss~~^^

[09/4/2026] Super stupid but my right foot's toe hurts for a few days now, because I rely heavily on it for when I need to balance myself.. there we go..

[09/4/2026] SO MEANNNNNNNNN DONCHU KNOW HOW MUCH I MISS UUUUUU HUAAAAAAAAAAA

[09/4/2026] CASISSSSSS oke dat was fun, I was a bit scared bcuz hes not far from my seating position. Im happy that my friends came to my aid tho :D ANW WE HAVE TIME EXTENSION SO IM STAYING W MY FRIEND FOR A WHILE LONGER TO DISCUSS SOME STUFF TEHEEEEEE Im such a darlingggggggggg my friends tried to understand me so well T^T Im the luckiest gal to ever gal

[09/4/2026] WOOOOO TONIGHT IS CASIS' FASHION NIGHT BWUAHAUAHHWUHHWAHAAHAHH SIAP CASIS, oml I feel bad for the CASIS, Im sure they will go through illfeel after they saw how nyeleneh their kakel was ;-;"

[09/4/2026] K last entry before I take shower and eep, everyone is getting curiouuuuuus now of my situation??? Like no nothin happened, everything stopped at December and we're new humans in January, Im too tired to make a more convincing narrative so I js says "Wdym? we're never a thing in the first place, everything was ended back in December" so yea deal w dat Jovan, whatever his roommate was saying prolly a false memory. Anw good rest dear myself^^

[09/4/2026] Changed my mind.. tired..

[09/4/2026] Finally at dorm again!! Happy to js be doing my own little perks now. I think Im gonna do some of my to-do list that I gave earlier which AGAIN, consist of doing my Math IA AND my book annotation, aside from that. On the side note, I js joined my first ever ESP!!!! My IELTS score went above passing score but mehhhh I rlly thought it can be higher.. so Im taking the initiative to just join all 3 in school session! Its also a nice distraction for myself from my side problematic quests ;)

[09/4/2026] A tiny reminder for myself, tonight I will do my Math IA and if I still have time, I will anotate my assigned books, If Im also done, I will do some visual analysis practice FUH THE AC GOT COLDER IS THIS GODS PUNIS nvm its Argha tweaking the remote

[09/4/2026] After rereading this diary, man I look like Im insulting some1 T^T But rlly Im js talking w myself rn, everyone seems to be in an okey sync, feels calm :>

[09/4/2026] What? You dont like it? Skizo bitch

[09/4/2026] Its not worth fighting for, Im just a whore in your damn eyes anyway

[09/4/2026] Ms.Diah is SUCH a girl omg how can someone achieve that level of girlness?? When I grow up, I want to achieve that level of girlness too! One cannot be a Ms.Diah and girl without the emotional instability, its just an all-in-one package dude! I rather be unstable and be Ms.Diah rather than be stable and not be girl like Ms.Diah! GOSHHH SHES SUCH AN INSPIRATIONNNNNNNNN I WANNA BE LIKE HER SOOOOO BAD T^T

[09/4/2026] I practice my lighting sensitivity towards sketching by drawing Tung Tung Sahur and the lights.. dare I say I did an okey job.. ;-;

[09/4/2026] DJ TURN UP THE SONG

[09/4/2026] Very much blessed w an okay eye-sight from god, so I can view all the beautiful things in this life. Like the pink and purple of the skies or the green of the forest, might even go as far as the blues of myself. I had not given myself a chance to stop in my tracks momentarily and admire the prettys in my life lately. Im busy burdening myself w unnecessary stuff, when the cool morning air hit my skin, I was brought back to life by it. Im still worth to fight for, and I wont grieve the mistakes I did, I can pretend it never happen though deep down I know it did, its not a healthy way but its a step anyway

[09/4/2026] YESTERDAY I WAS COOKED SO BAD DUDE, THAT BITCH DOESNT SUGERCOAT SHIT IM SO GLAD HES MY FRIEND AND NOT MY FOE T^T

[08/4/2026] NAH SOME SHI AINT RIGHT HERE AND IM GONNA FIGURE IT OUT

[08/4/2026] AYO I KNEW IT SOMETHING IS OFF

[08/4/2026] BACK TO MY OLD ROOTS OF MY 2020 SELF! YANDERE FANFIC >:)) Some of you guys seems to not know this, but I had a massive Yandere phase during pandemic, where I would read and do tons of Yandere fanfic and quizzes (where I tried to either persuade them into giving me more freedom, but sometimes the quizzes are SO damn hard Im js rlly grateful that I survived T^T), doing all that fics w their pretty little image gave me a flashback to my pandemic self, maybe thats how I become good at English, maybe? Yandere fanfic in my opinion isnt the best thing I should be reading at such a young age, Im not exposed to many smut at that time but Im def exposed to the concept of kidnapping, abduction, violence, reward-punishment system and so on and on ;-;

[08/4/2026] Im scared

[08/4/2026] "My name is Nastenka" GET OUT HUAAAAAA I KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING

[08/4/2026] Tiredddddd wantta sleeeeeeeeeeeeeep want huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugs want cuddlessssssssssss want warm blanketssssssssssss want huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugs strokeeeee my heaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad idk Im js too tired for thisssssssssssssss need lovinnnnn T^T

[08/4/2026] Anyway I started reading White Nights today!! Been on my reading list for over a year now.. I want to try to beat my last year's reading achievement of over 200 books! I know I probably wont be able to do it but its just a lil side quest to keep me busy for a while huuuuuuuuuft

[08/4/2026] THAT IS STRANGE WAIT I HAVE TO INVESTIGATE)

[08/4/2026] huh.. strange

[08/4/2026] IO DONE TEHEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[08/4/2026] Sorry was cut off short due to IO preperation, anyway for my action for reflection, I choose the realization of my shortening attention span, its not affecting my studies yet but I dont like how I get bored easily, I realized from multiple sources that its probably due to the habit of doom scrolling. Upon this realization, I tried to find a distraction that can entertain me without frying my brain, and thats when I remember the existence of Mangas, light novels, comic and even weebtoon. With webtoon the case is a bit unique, its tecnically still doom scrolling, but instead, not every information will go into my brain, so Im not overloaded with garbage all the time. The effect? After over 2 weeks of doing this, I find it easier for me to understand Bio concepts, I also sparked the fire of curiosity in me, which I thought will never light up. Conclusion for me is that quitting straight away sometime is impossible, but giving up is not an option, find a solution closest to the bad habit that you did and start to slowly drift yourself away from that bad habit. It will take long to completely quit something bad that is addicting because it felt good, or just as an escape source, but it will be worth it. Read this, future me ;)

[08/4/2026] SEE EVEN MR.BEN SAID REFLECTION CAN BE USED DURING JOURNALING LETS GOOOOOOO We were told to make a reflection based on what we did yesterday, or even last week

[08/4/2026] WAIT NO DONT LET THIS END UP LIKE THE WUTHERING HEIGHTS PLEASEPLEASEPLASEPLEASE

[08/4/2026] Morning!!! Another morning exercise we goooooo :P I still wake up with my heartbeat pounding against my chest uncomfortably, its just that now there's an additional add-on to this T^T, wanna know what?? COLD. GENUINE, ITS SUUPER COLD EACH MORNING I FEEL LIKE ID FREEZE TO DEATH.. omg I really wish Im lying rn but theres js no way tbh ;-; Afternoons and Evenings weather in my opinion are oke, sometimes theyre too hot for my liking for I think thats completely fine to some extent.. IDKK I NEED TO GET MYSELF WARMER, I REALLY NEED TO OR ELSE I WILL FREEZE AND DIE WHICH DYING ISNT SOMETHING THAT I MIND BUT DYING DUE TO COLD IS SO LAME T^T Idk how to convince my roommate that they dont need a 22 on the AC each night..

[07/4/2026] Im getting veeeery eepy now.. I still have so much to type in here, but since Im alrd eepy beyond imagination and I still have to shower and clean my area, this will be my last mssg for the night! Ill see all of you again tmrr!! Goodnightt darlingss~~^^

[07/4/2026] Usually at around this time I receive lots of hugs, but thats fine! Because I can hug myself too >-0

[07/4/2026] I have to come to term with myself; Im not the type of person who enjoys being alone for too long. I walked to school for 2 of my CCA photoshoot today, and despite knowing of the excitement that I will go through later, I still feel like blue. It made me think as I am walking to school; I dont like being alone, I always need someone to accompany me, no need to talk, just ground me into this earth so that I dont float elsewhere. Looking back, I realized why I hang around quieter kids back in JHS, maybe because I dont want them to feel how I feel, maybe because I was desperate for a human connection to the point that I let just anyone to walk into my life and stays, either way, I shouldnt let me take advantage of anyone else and I cannot fully rely on anyone else other than myself and my parents. Forward I know that I will spend most of my time alone, especially since Im not planning to marry anyone, but I still hope that I can find a friend that can accompany me through the bussies of life. As Im writing this, I feel the void in my chest started to simmer into the nothingness, peers left and right chi-chatting and preparing for their upcoming task, students coming, students going, everything is still running anf revolving no matter what. And the same should apply to me, whatever happened to me, everything remain spinning and thats completely fine :)

[07/4/2026] Man I feel bad for Marvel now, he's so relatable tbh I be feeling like that too sometimes, I hope the gng can support him even if js by a tiny bit. A quick pat in the back or a bro hug. I come to realized just how naive I am, I reeally thought love will make people change for the better, Im starting to doubt that, but I really dont want to, I want to believe that I am made of love and warmth from the world, I dont wanna see this as a waste of time but mannnn reality hurts like a bichhhhhh T^T

[07/4/2026] WANNA KNOW WHAT MS.DIAH PUT FOR MY IA FEEDBACK??? 🟢 Excellent (top student)Your investigation is very well structured and highly detailed. The use of multiple regression and data collection is excellent. Your personal engagement is very strong.You should improve by:- clearly explaining: how you convert survey responses into numbers- what each variable represents in your model- keeping your explanation simple despite multiple variables

[07/4/2026] Oke some codes are fixed, most are not but hopefully soon! Js send some prayers and youtube tutorials my ways and Im sure Im good to go ;)

[07/4/2026] Some of my HTML code is flagged to not be working, as I am working on fixing the bugs, please be a little bit more petient with me, tysmm^^

[07/4/2026] I PROMISED THEM, I CANT FAIL

[07/4/2026] I cant believe it has only been a week T^T, think Ill take a quick nap in the DH, or maybe practice for my Indo IO for tmrr^^

[07/4/2026] Wanna take economics now.. Ms.Sri is so sweet.. :((

[06/4/2026] I STILL WAKE UP W MY FAST HEARTBEAT.. please let me live normally T^T

[06/4/2026] Just got lots of love from bunda.. shes treating me so well! I have to treat myself well too no matter what! Im a human that go through things and that is fine :D My mom raised me with love, so I have to grow anf give myself lots of love too :) This hurts me deeply and Im tempted to go back and strike a chat, but

[06/4/2026] Huh.. you're right 'Anti-Depressants Delirious Squad (A2DS(AD DS(Aggregate demand demand supply)))', Its not worth it.. I JS FUCKIN REALIZED HOW INSANE THAT NAME IS OMG IM GONNA DIE DUDE T^T

[06/4/2026] FOUND EM FINALLYYYYYY T^T

[06/4/2026] https://drive.google.com/drive/u/3/folders/1TbCC0qRYCQQGw9wupizQ1t4jPACiJVYr

[06/4/2026] Domain Expansion: Involuntary Game of Monopoly Bid

[06/4/2026] DARLING JUST SURVIVED AROUND 20 MINUTE CHAT W MS.LEA ON MY KERANGKA B.INDO OML IM SO EUAGWUASHDISJAJASICA Shes a curious person, I js found dat out :0 cz.. she said so lol tehee I know she loves fresh milk nyamm I SURVIVED ANW

[06/4/2026] Im calling myself darling now, YES IM GIVING MYSELF MY OWN PRINCESS TREATMENT

[06/4/2026] COWARDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD U CHOSE THIS SO FACE IT U ANNOY ME SO DAMN MUCH FUCKIN COWARDDDDDDDDDDDD

[06/4/2026] Just a few days ago I made a group chat w my friends, theyre helping me to move forward in life! And we got new members YIPPIEEEEE. Ofc what we're doing isnt only helping ME but we also share our stories and burdens in there, study together or play board games MWHEHWMEWHHEWEHME COMMON SPACE IS SO LIT ISTG NOW EVERYBODY COME TO COMMON SPACE OR IM GONNA EXPLODE

[06/4/2026] HOTSPOT GDA_KTB IS BACKKKK AND IM BACK TOO!! >_< I did my excursion yesterday, I almost cried when I saw my girl friend cries after she met w her parents at Pakuwon, I can totally feel her.. :< Im glad I at least could hug her! On the other hand, I BOUGH 2 OFFICIAL AOT PINS AND 1 LADS PINS THAT IM NOT SURE OF IF IT IS OFFICIAL OR NAH BUT AT LEAST I HAVE RAFAYEL AND I GOT EREN AND LEVI >:) I bought the first volume of Wotakoi too (heh Im so dam cool)(not the special edition one yeah ;-;) and I realized how beautiful the artstyle is.. :0 Its truly gorgeous! AND IM COSPLAYing KAORUKO FOR 25TH OF APRIL TEHEEE~~

[31/3/2026] IM HAVING SO MUCH FUNNN IN HERE I think Ill start writing in this lil diary a lot more often now, now that Im doin this alone, I gotta take care of myself well ;) Mama said to "be nice to her", huuuuft I realized too late how mean I am to myself, I got sick easily because of that.. Ms.Lea's question yesterday;"you bring your note?" left me pondering for a while longer, what note to be exact? Maybe shes thinking of the many stacks of papers that I use for my reflection during the holiday. Doing a reflection really hurts, especially if I gotta do it in the classroom, well pardon my feeler ass!! >:( Im js a human!! But anw.. today we have an apel;morning meeting where students are gathered in a location to be checked by our mentors for the uniform readiness and updated news for the whole week, sometimes months or even semester. Yea so about apel.. Im skipping apel today, my headache is getting out of hand I SWEAR I DRANK MY VITAMIN!! Its probably because I burst our yesterday and didnt have enough time to recover ;-; What can we say? Time is scarce anw ECONOMIC MENTIONED WBUAHAHHAHWUHAUHAHHAHAAHAHAH

[30/3/2026] I think all that overthinking is getting to me, Ill contact the medics tomorrow, my head hurts really bad waddahelllllll. At least Im done revising for my today's chem, js hopin dat it sticks in there HOOORAYYY

[30/3/2026] WHAT HOW COME MY BATTERY SO LONG LASTING TODAY?? ITS 12.13 BUT MY BATTERY REMAINS AT 90%- 89% now BUT OMG SO COOL

[30/3/2026] OH YEAH NOT TO BOAST BUT MS LEA CHOSE ME AGAIN TO ANSWER HER QUESTIONS DURING SCHOOL ASSEMBLY IM GONNA KILL MYSELF THAT IS SO EMBARRESSING WEEEEEEEEE WEEEEEE.. Anw I stopped doomscrolling and instead I use my free time to read Webtoon! I feel less overstimulated! I also ask for forgiveness from my teachers and peers, not all of my burdens are lifted but it felt lighter, just to breathe and laugh is a lot lighter, just to exist, it felt lighter :)

[30/3/2026] Now that I think about it, I have a watercolor w all of the possible colors that I could have ever wanted (its not metallic tho!! My search for a metallic watercolor shall remain!) with a very easy to control pigmentation IM BASICALLY CAN DO ANYTHING NOW MWHEEMEMHEHEMEHEHEHEHHWHWHWH.. bezir nih dingin banget woy I miss my blankie why is today so cold?? T^T

[30/3/2026] That wasnt so bad! I just put too much of my experience in there so it felt a bit too descriptive. She told me to also find a paper on psychological support since my refelctive essay revolves around my realization towards my parents. Now that I think of it, its kinda symbolic. I realize that my parents probably seek the feeling of being taken care of (topic of my essay), hence, they persisted on mudik. And then a few days after we got back, she took care of me in a way that made me feel like a daughter again. That felt nice, I am forever grateful for my teachers for introducing all of us to reflective writing, its not easy but its def something that suits me, just like anything else, everything needs context, right?

[30/3/2026] 21 out of 119?? Thats insane. Even w dat number, will my work be chosen for the book? I submitted my reflective writing just a few days ago, and here I am now waiting for my teacher's feedback on my writing.

[29/3/2026] ..nevermind

[29/3/2026] First day of arrival, I had a hard time going back to school. Huuuuft I rlly dont wanna go back.. I kinda miss him!! So excited to talk again w him >:)) I BROUGHT SHINY SEASHELLS(?) FOR USSS. I accesorize the bracelet he gave me too^^

[09/3/2026] I see that everything started spiralling down once I turned 16, am I punished for being happy on that day? I felt a huge sense of dissatisfaction of myself. Reminds me of that one manga Happiness. Ironic

[21/2/2026] Something is wrong with me, why am I getting like this? I dont wanna keep everything to myself, why is this happening to me

[21/2/2026] uncomfy

[18/2/2026]Hug..

[18/2/2026] what if Im forever stuck this way..

[18/2/2026] One day Ill look back and Im sure Ill remember none of this, as if all was another nightmare. It will be okay, Ive received the letter, Ill be out soon. Cheers! Anw a segregation happened in Jpl, the CCA got divided into: experienced and non-experienced one. BWUAUWHAAHUWAH Japanese extended T^T Anw road to JLPT!

[11/2/2026] Didnt pass Bio yey im gonna relapse

[10/2/2026, 19.46] I BOUGHT HIM AN ICE CREEAAAAAM >-< Hes working hard again on his program!! EUGHHHH IM SOSOSO HAPPY THAT I HAVE SUCHA HARDWORKING HUBBYY HUAAA.. wanna hug him tightttttt, soo tightt he cant escape from mee~ :D

[10/2/2026, 04.36] Dear diary, Im sorry for taking a while to be able to come back to u, Im pretty busy hornying over the loml and preparing for summative, I came back here because.. finally my roommate started Subuh prayer again lol, its always the same damn pattern, if she do not see me pray, she wont pray. SHE ONLY EVER PRAY AFTER SEEING ME PRAY OMG SOOO ANNOYING, I know she doesnt have any principle but damn thats fuckin insane ;-; Anw I woke the girlies up todayy bcuz last night many ask me to do soo~~ So happy I can help them!

[7/2/2026, 21.29] YEAYYYYYY I FEEL SOOO PRODUCTIVE TODAYYYY, did 8 laps of 250m around the school w/ the cohort, followed by a perfectly SYNCED hormat kanan ESPECIALLY on the tegap grak! AFTER THAT WE SET UP THE COMMON SPACE!! ITS FILLED W STUDENTS UNTIL NIGHT TIME!! I left at 09.05 AND IT WAS STILL SOOOO CROWDEDDDDDD HUAAAAA. Earlier I also bought a lil kid an ice creaaaaaam (the kid is from one of the parents of students who join todays GDA competition smthsmth I dunnoooo) AND THROUGHOUT COMMON SPACE I GET TO STUDY SOME CHEM USING MY MOMS TEXTBOOK EEEEEEKKK.. after a while, I play Chess, Ludo (I win obvi) and Game of Life w my precious star~~ I ALSO WIN THE GAME OF LIFE MWHWMEHEMHMEHEHEHMEHMEMHEHMEHEM We have sustainable reading session about writing "Reflection on Skill" and I think it might js be my strongest writing so far!! I ALSO BEAT MS RUTH TO A 3 CONSEVUTIVE MATH OF CONGKLAK, I WON TWICE IN A ROW and the third row was a tie~~ ITS ALSO MY FIRST TIME DOING AN ATTENTION.. though its at night time and only to some ppl~~ IM SO HAPPYYY TODAYYYYYYY.. my very handsome other half also got his and his teams proposal accepted BY MY UNCLE MR BUYA MIFTAH YAHOOOOOOOOOO HUAAAAAAAAAAAA WANNA HUG HIM SOOO BAD IM SO PROUUUDDDD

[6/2/2026, 19.40] IM GONNA FUCKIN KILL MYSELF

[6/2/2026, 13.57] Im always emotional, I wish I can chop that part from me.. Wanna live normally..

[6/2/2026, 13.34] I dont feel so good today, its the last day for B.Indo documentation submission and also the day where we decide will our group perform. My group will be performing last.. because none of my teammates attended the meeting with our B.Indo teacher.. especially the team's leader. She got chosen as the team's leader, but shes the one least active in joining meeting, shes not even helping out with the documenting.. barely read the group chat too.. Im tired of working with her, most of the time shes not even helping.. I cant always tell her what to do when SHES the leader.. I dont wanna do this anymore..

[5/2/2026, 14.41] HUAAAAAAA IM SO EMBARRAXHFUFSIUHXUC MS.MEGA CHECKED MY WORKING IN FRONT OF EVERYONEEEEEEE IM SO CUHEAAYFFYUFADIEDUHUEFJNSABHBHBF shouldve used AI.. man she said it will give me a 3..

[4/2/2026, 20.08] Im done w being sad, time to continue, YAHOOOO

[4/2/2026, 19.51] Im so tired.. I wanna rest but if I sleep early, I'll feel guilty.. I wanna sleep, I wanna lay in bed.. but I feel guilty if I do that, Im not doing enough to have an early rest.. I was talkin w my fav person.. but all the sudden, I feel closed, hes askin me about my schedule.. but for some reason I dont want to answer him.. what is wrong w mee, I think he hates me now.. thats fine, maybe he'll find someone better with a more stable self. I feel so helpless.. I want a hug from him.. why cant I js be normal?? I want to tell him everythingg, wanna let him know each of my moves and plan, want him to accopany as I am doing it.. but my brain is messing up w my feelings I feel like I am in danger if I tell him anything.. is it bcuz he left me for a while to do smth w/o telling me? But I understand why he did it! Im not sure its because of that.. WHY AM I BROKEN LIKE THISSSSSSSSSSSSSS PLEASE LET ME BE A NORMAL HUMAN GODDAMITTTT. What is wrong w me.. I wanna apologize to him.. hes just a human like me! HUAAA HES NOT READING MY CHAT. This is it.. hes upset w me, he hates me now, I have no one anymore, this is the end this is the end this is the end this is the enf okay calmcalmcalmcalmcalm its fine I know hes busy, giv him some space, hes also a human who make mistakes too, right?? ITS FINEEEEEEE URE FINEEE SHUTUP GET OUT OF MY BRAIN I NEDD U TO GET OUTTT NOWNOWNOWNOWNOW AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[4/2/2026, 08.40] Suddenly I have stacks of unfinished assignments left and right.. so sad :(( The math summative was also moved forward so Ill be having them next week HUUUUUUUUU. On the bright side, right now is Catch Up day, kinda like a school day but we are free to study whatever we want, but only limited to some areas so some places within the school ground are prohibited. I wore my graduation dress again! Its blue.. reminds me a lot of the Victorian ladies :> I view this as my casual style, but in my opinion, someone can have more than one interpretation of casual, thats okey to some extend.. just dont be a hypocrite I guess.. I saw my fav person today.. hes- EUGHHHH he looks like a proffessor, reminds me of a fanfic I read a few days ago, the trope is College Prof x Girly College Student tho.. I SWEAR ITS NOT A WEIRD FANFICCCCCCCC HUAAAAAA T^T

[3/2/2026, 07.24] My roommate woke up late for their clean up duty today.. I dont rlly mind cuz I pretty much handled the rest by myself, I did woke them up twice, whatever I guess theyre just not a morning person. Im kida sad tho, one of the rooms woke up late, Im a terrible person.. they told me mentor didnt do anything to them tho! I feel much more relieved, Im kinda upset w my roommate, but thats fine, right?

[2/2/2026, 17.43] After 3 years of absent from the world of martial art, I decided its time to face my fear and jump back into martial arts >:3 The 6-7 years of experience in martial arts.. well I cant say its my greatest achievement, I wasnt into martial art at that time but my parent forces me to join anw, I stopped joining comp at 3rd grade cuz I kept loosing.. I was afraid that Id be wasting my parents money instead, DAMN THATS A TOXIC MINDSET, 9 YO ME HAVE NO BUSINESS THINKING LIKE THAT.. poor lil me.. shes such a sweet crybaby.. I wanna pat her if I could T^T Anw I meet my SUUPERDUPER lovely fav person eveeer in all of this school!! Hes soo cutee I WANNA SQUISH HIS CHEECKSS MHMMMMM he look so strong too! I do NOT wanna spar w him ;-;

[2/2/2026, 14.51] WHAT DA FAWKKKKKKKKKKK BIO AND CHEM GOT THE LOWEST OVERALL SCORE IN MY SCHOOL OMLLLLL DUDE IM SO COOKED IM TAKING BOTH SUBJECT FOR IBDP

[2/2/2026, 11.42] Eng LL class has gotten more interesting as of lately, I am surprised at how well Ive been keeping up w everyone, usually Im quite bad w this subject..

[1/2/2026, 17.41] First day of the new month! I got lots of affection from my special someone~~ We got a few hours to spend on our phones, too! I use it to vc my parents and my lil sis, it was fun, 41 more days until our next holiday~~ Im curretly chillin at our school's dining hall first floor, sitting on one of the bean bags that we brought from the counselor's office to here for my division's programme, surprisingly many students attended, we even extend the program by one hour and we clean everything up at night time after movie night. I dont feel great about myself, I dont like the fact that I need someone to constantly gave me a praise or a validation, I should be able to do that by myself! But I cantt.. and I dont like that.. I wanna be able to look at myself and be oke, I wanna be able to look at other people and then back at myself, and feel oke. Living isnt my thing

[31/1/2026, 11.02] Just got back from our school's programme; "Expert's Forum", its about batik and why it is so hard for businessess to find a successor

[31/1/2026, 08.03] I woke up early like usual, nothing different. I get down from my bed, went outside my dorm, ask my mentor to unlock the door to the laptop room, get my and my roommates laptop, get back in my room, put down their laptop, went to the bathroom, wudhu, pray, opened my Chemistry Course Companion and read it, a good 20 minutes later I went back up my bed and do some reading on my laptop, wake one of my roommate and prepare for morning exercise, did the morning exercise and did some jogging afterwards, breakfast w my classmates and went back to dorm. My usual Saturday usually went this way, it felt boring, except for the reading my Chem early in the morning, I think that broke the cycle a bit

[30/1/2026, 20.16] We got the official announcement from school leaders that our friend is officially no longer w us.. shes expelled.. she wont be coming back. Shes also a mentee under the same mentor as me, I cant help but felt hopeless, maybe the next one is me, probably. I cried twice today, maybe Ill cry the third time before I sleep, I felt overwhelmed, in the worst way possible, I dont like it. My mentor isnt THAT active with her mentees, at first 3rd floor girlies was doing great.. everything just went downwards after that..