Diary Entries

[7/2/2026, 21.29] YEAYYYYYY I FEEL SOOO PRODUCTIVE TODAYYYY, did 8 laps of 250m around the school w/ the cohort, followed by a perfectly SYNCED hormat kanan ESPECIALLY on the tegap grak! AFTER THAT WE SET UP THE COMMON SPACE!! ITS FILLED W STUDENTS UNTIL NIGHT TIME!! I left at 09.05 AND IT WAS STILL SOOOO CROWDEDDDDDD HUAAAAA. Earlier I also bought a lil kid an ice creaaaaaam (the kid is from one of the parents of students who join todays GDA competition smthsmth I dunnoooo) AND THROUGHOUT COMMON SPACE I GET TO STUDY SOME CHEM USING MY MOMS TEXTBOOK EEEEEEKKK.. after a while, I play Chess, Ludo (I win obvi) and Game of Life w my precious star~~ I ALSO WIN THE GAME OF LIFE MWHWMEHEMHMEHEHEHMEHMEMHEHMEHEM We have sustainable reading session about writing "Reflection on Skill" and I think it might js be my strongest writing so far!! I ALSO BEAT MS RUTH TO A 3 CONSEVUTIVE MATH OF CONGKLAK, I WON TWICE IN A ROW and the third row was a tie~~ ITS ALSO MY FIRST TIME DOING AN ATTENTION.. though its at night time and only to some ppl~~ IM SO HAPPYYY TODAYYYYYYY.. my very handsome other half also got his and his teams proposal accepted BY MY UNCLE MR BUYA MIFTAH YAHOOOOOOOOOO HUAAAAAAAAAAAA WANNA HUG HIM SOOO BAD IM SO PROUUUDDDD

[6/2/2026, 19.40] IM GONNA FUCKIN KILL MYSELF

[6/2/2026, 13.57] Im always emotional, I wish I can chop that part from me.. Wanna live normally..

[6/2/2026, 13.34] I dont feel so good today, its the last day for B.Indo documentation submission and also the day where we decide will our group perform. My group will be performing last.. because none of my teammates attended the meeting with our B.Indo teacher.. especially the team's leader. She got chosen as the team's leader, but shes the one least active in joining meeting, shes not even helping out with the documenting.. barely read the group chat too.. Im tired of working with her, most of the time shes not even helping.. I cant always tell her what to do when SHES the leader.. I dont wanna do this anymore..

[5/2/2026, 14.41] HUAAAAAAA IM SO EMBARRAXHFUFSIUHXUC MS.MEGA CHECKED MY WORKING IN FRONT OF EVERYONEEEEEEE IM SO CUHEAAYFFYUFADIEDUHUEFJNSABHBHBF shouldve used AI.. man she said it will give me a 3..

[4/2/2026, 20.08] Im done w being sad, time to continue, YAHOOOO

[4/2/2026, 19.51] Im so tired.. I wanna rest but if I sleep early, I'll feel guilty.. I wanna sleep, I wanna lay in bed.. but I feel guilty if I do that, Im not doing enough to have an early rest.. I was talkin w my fav person.. but all the sudden, I feel closed, hes askin me about my schedule.. but for some reason I dont want to answer him.. what is wrong w mee, I think he hates me now.. thats fine, maybe he'll find someone better with a more stable self. I feel so helpless.. I want a hug from him.. why cant I js be normal?? I want to tell him everythingg, wanna let him know each of my moves and plan, want him to accopany as I am doing it.. but my brain is messing up w my feelings I feel like I am in danger if I tell him anything.. is it bcuz he left me for a while to do smth w/o telling me? But I understand why he did it! Im not sure its because of that.. WHY AM I BROKEN LIKE THISSSSSSSSSSSSSS PLEASE LET ME BE A NORMAL HUMAN GODDAMITTTT. What is wrong w me.. I wanna apologize to him.. hes just a human like me! HUAAA HES NOT READING MY CHAT. This is it.. hes upset w me, he hates me now, I have no one anymore, this is the end this is the end this is the end this is the enf okay calmcalmcalmcalmcalm its fine I know hes busy, giv him some space, hes also a human who make mistakes too, right?? ITS FINEEEEEEE URE FINEEE SHUTUP GET OUT OF MY BRAIN I NEDD U TO GET OUTTT NOWNOWNOWNOWNOW AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[4/2/2026, 08.40] Suddenly I have stacks of unfinished assignments left and right.. so sad :(( The math summative was also moved forward so Ill be having them next week HUUUUUUUUU. On the bright side, right now is Catch Up day, kinda like a school day but we are free to study whatever we want, but only limited to some areas so some places within the school ground are prohibited. I wore my graduation dress again! Its blue.. reminds me a lot of the Victorian ladies :> I view this as my casual style, but in my opinion, someone can have more than one interpretation of casual, thats okey to some extend.. just dont be a hypocrite I guess.. I saw my fav person today.. hes- EUGHHHH he looks like a proffessor, reminds me of a fanfic I read a few days ago, the trope is College Prof x Girly College Student tho.. I SWEAR ITS NOT A WEIRD FANFICCCCCCCC HUAAAAAA T^T

[3/2/2026, 07.24] My roommate woke up late for their clean up duty today.. I dont rlly mind cuz I pretty much handled the rest by myself, I did woke them up twice, whatever I guess theyre just not a morning person. Im kida sad tho, one of the rooms woke up late, Im a terrible person.. they told me mentor didnt do anything to them tho! I feel much more relieved, Im kinda upset w my roommate, but thats fine, right?

[2/2/2026, 17.43] After 3 years of absent from the world of martial art, I decided its time to face my fear and jump back into martial arts >:3 The 6-7 years of experience in martial arts.. well I cant say its my greatest achievement, I wasnt into martial art at that time but my parent forces me to join anw, I stopped joining comp at 3rd grade cuz I kept loosing.. I was afraid that Id be wasting my parents money instead, DAMN THATS A TOXIC MINDSET, 9 YO ME HAVE NO BUSINESS THINKING LIKE THAT.. poor lil me.. shes such a sweet crybaby.. I wanna pat her if I could T^T Anw I meet my SUUPERDUPER lovely fav person eveeer in all of this school!! Hes soo cutee I WANNA SQUISH HIS CHEECKSS MHMMMMM he look so strong too! I do NOT wanna spar w him ;-;

[2/2/2026, 14.51] WHAT DA FAWKKKKKKKKKKK BIO AND CHEM GOT THE LOWEST OVERALL SCORE IN MY SCHOOL OMLLLLL DUDE IM SO COOKED IM TAKING BOTH SUBJECT FOR IBDP

[2/2/2026, 11.42] Eng LL class has gotten more interesting as of lately, I am surprised at how well Ive been keeping up w everyone, usually Im quite bad w this subject..

[1/2/2026, 17.41] First day of the new month! I got lots of affection from my special someone~~ We got a few hours to spend on our phones, too! I use it to vc my parents and my lil sis, it was fun, 41 more days until our next holiday~~ Im curretly chillin at our school's dining hall first floor, sitting on one of the bean bags that we brought from the counselor's office to here for my division's programme, surprisingly many students attended, we even extend the program by one hour and we clean everything up at night time after movie night. I dont feel great about myself, I dont like the fact that I need someone to constantly gave me a praise or a validation, I should be able to do that by myself! But I cantt.. and I dont like that.. I wanna be able to look at myself and be oke, I wanna be able to look at other people and then back at myself, and feel oke. Living isnt my thing

[31/1/2026, 11.02] Just got back from our school's programme; "Expert's Forum", its about batik and why it is so hard for businessess to find a successor

[31/1/2026, 08.03] I woke up early like usual, nothing different. I get down from my bed, went outside my dorm, ask my mentor to unlock the door to the laptop room, get my and my roommates laptop, get back in my room, put down their laptop, went to the bathroom, wudhu, pray, opened my Chemistry Course Companion and read it, a good 20 minutes later I went back up my bed and do some reading on my laptop, wake one of my roommate and prepare for morning exercise, did the morning exercise and did some jogging afterwards, breakfast w my classmates and went back to dorm. My usual Saturday usually went this way, it felt boring, except for the reading my Chem early in the morning, I think that broke the cycle a bit

[30/1/2026, 20.16] We got the official announcement from school leaders that our friend is officially no longer w us.. shes expelled.. she wont be coming back. Shes also a mentee under the same mentor as me, I cant help but felt hopeless, maybe the next one is me, probably. I cried twice today, maybe Ill cry the third time before I sleep, I felt overwhelmed, in the worst way possible, I dont like it. My mentor isnt THAT active with her mentees, at first 3rd floor girlies was doing great.. everything just went downwards after that..